Trad Climbing

You know you’re a trad climber when…

•All your draws are 12” long

• your kid climbs harder than you do

• you’ve worn out a set of cams

• there is scar tissue on the back of your hands

• you shave the back of your hands

• you have six partially used rolls of tape in your pack

• you quit sport climbing because you can’t do any of the routes

• you see lots of sunrises on your climbing trips

• you say, “what?” when your leader says, “take!”

• your ledge is set up in your room to hold all your climbing gear

• you have climbing shoes you can wear all-day

• you don’t care when your gym membership expires

• you enjoy guilt-free eating

• you don’t know what your body-fat % is

• you ask your partner how much water to bring along

• you do a first ascent and report the names of both members in your party

• you drop your belay device and you still know how to belay

• you read back-issues or mountain gazette

• you know how to turn a crack ‘n up into a beak

• you know what a beak is

• you wake up at 2:00 am to go climbing

• your drill uses a hammer

• you take a nap in the middle of a climb

• you spend three hours removing a fixed cam

• you don’t want beta

• you think a bong is a type of piton

• you remember when climbing gear didn’t have springs

• you take a forty footer

• you summit a desert tower

• you know what an abalakov hook is

• you still use a gear sling

• there is a holster on your harness

• you rappel six pitches in the dark

• you rappel six pitches in the snow

• you drill from a stance

• you’re looking down at the birds

• you own a hammer and a haul bag

• you have sex on a belay ledge

• you’re on day 2 of a sport climbing trip and you can’t remember what you did on day 1

• you drop your water bottle and it takes five seconds to hit

• your rack is worth more than your car

• your best memories are from the epics you’ve had

• you have a great day of climbing then find out you didn’t do the route you thought you did

• you spend a night hanging in slings

• you miss work on Monday because you epic’d on Sunday

• a whole block of chalk fits in your chalk bag

• you dump your S.O. because he just doesn’t get it

• you wear out a set of jugs

• you drive all night so you can climb all-day

• you drive all night because you climbed all-day

• you’re up so high the trees look like broccoli

• your rack of pins is heavier than your rack of draws

• your slings have knots in them

• you know who larry penberthy is

• you know the difference between a copperhead and a circle head

• you think “beta” is a videotape format

• you can shit and belay at the same time

• you wear socks in your climbing shoes

• a long approach doesn’t deter you from a good climb

• a good job doesn’t deter you from a good climb

• Hendrix runs through your head while you’re climbing

• you coil your rope

• you’ve set up a belay with the only piece of gear left on your rack

• your climbing pants don’t stretch